Author Archives: Donna Mathwig

Homeless. Couch Surfing. Job Loss. Surprise.

[Just all in a day’s offering at Choices. This was originally written for December’s considerate and generous supporters. Our desire each month is to give a glimpse of mission at Choices.]

Thanks be to God for you considerate and generous people! I’m just off the phone with Beth, a customary and welcome time of conversation where we dialogue about people coming in for help, resources we have available and how best to come alongside those in hard places with pregnancies and parenting.  At Christmastime there is even more of a desire to be hope to another as we are all so much more aware of our loneliness, loss and need.  Here’s what it currently looks like:

A young mama who’d been diligently working to provide for her little one, has just had her hours cut in half.  She gave her last supply of food to her baby. Our advocate, having been a friend for more than a year, went to the store to purchase groceries for she and her family.

First words: “Right now I’m homeless…kind of couch surfing. I’m not in any place to have a kid.” Today’s words: “My partner is REALLY getting into this father stuff! We have a place to live!”  This scared pregnant woman was nervous and hungry  – her hunger was physical, but also emotional and spiritual. She was invited to a ‘relational’ lunch at our office – two people, one in deep need of care, the other present and attentive, both sharing a meal that meant much more than mere calories. The future?  Uncertain. That’s the place we spend much time – and we are grateful for small movements of goodness.

A couple coming in with these words: “We weren’t planning a family. We were careful. My boyfriend didn’t think he could have kids. It miraculous – God has things happen for reasons.” Yes indeed, and we’re happy to be able to journey with this sweet couple as they discover some of those reasons.

If I had the time, I’d write a book that communicated the beautiful stories of hope we are blessed to be part of, to experience, to witness and to give thanks. For now, please know how much we appreciate your part in these ongoing, life-changing stories of human hearts held, cared for (often transformed), but always seeking hope beyond what is, to what could be.

Today I heard these words that reflect part of the beauty of Choices mission: “Hope doesn’t mean that it’s always going to work out. Sometimes it’s just knowing that you’re going to be okay.”  Amen, and may it be so.

Eavesdropping at Choices

Yesterday I walked past a conversation in the front office at Choices – and must confess, I intentionally lingered. In the midst of two people conversing over a few chocolates, understanding was being sought, hope was being discovered, and prayer was being requested.  A young woman who comes in regularly for diapers, and had exhausted our parenting curriculum, (where we meet individually as friends, and conversation-style discuss parenting concepts and provide emotional support for hard places), had decided a while back to move on to some Bible studies. Now, I must add, while these are available, they are not pushed, nor really even offered. They are available for those with a desire to pursue spiritual understanding and relationship with God – and often these folks are what I refer to (at the irkedness of some), as the spiritual, yet not religious. (It is basically understood that most Americans hold belief in God, but they are increasingly losing trust in organized/institutional religion, and seek to find spiritual engagement in more intimate and creative ways.)  I’m keenly aware that many who come to Choices fall into that category, and will not be heading to church – they are at the margins of the faith; interested in spiritual matters, yet not desirous of a traditional setting. And so we respectfully engage as appropriate. Our ‘job’ is to inspire hope to whatever has brought a person into our community – knowing that faith looks and feels a lot like love.

I was intrigued by this young woman discussing the agedness of Old Testament people, such as Methusalah, and her thoughts of longevity and how it relates to today, considering our societal nutritional and environmental influences. Her engagement with the material and our receptionist reminded me that hope is something longed for, and that simple community is meaningful.  We didn’t fly the flag, we didn’t push, we didn’t have an agenda – we simply attempt to live as people of Jesus, or as Jimmy Spencer says, “Practicing how to be a human – in the pattern of Jesus.”  ( http://ebook.lovewithoutagenda.com/ – you should go there!)

Toward the end of this exchange, this mom shared a recent story about a horrifically tragic accident that clearly troubled her – and she requested prayer. She asked how to get through such an event – how to understand the actions of her friend who caused the loss of a mother, father and one child. She desperately needed someone to hold a bit of her pain – to ‘suffer with’ her – that’s the essence of felt compassion.

As she eagerly conversed with our receptionist, (who must now be known also as a client advocate), I clearly observed a meaningful advocacy flowing – I was seized by the beauty that was present in the room. Something compelled me to linger. Something said, “Listen, there is goodness in the gift of presence. There is peace and hope for the way forward in the midst of serendipitous conversations.” Echoes of a friend’s words on the subject:  1. Show up. 2. Be present. 3. Let go of outcomes. Let us always know that we cannot fix – but we can sit with, listen, and respond in ways that lessen suffering.

Life at Choices never ceases to bless me. Each time I visit the office, I pray, “God, please allow me to be attentive, listen and experience the goodness that is present in this place.”  And it is there for me, over and over again.

Choices Community: Serving Within (Part 2)

Here’s the second post to give you a glimpse into what it means to serve within Choices community – nothing earth shattering, no moving stories, just the basics. Perhaps it’s helpful to get a sense of the underlying realities of an organization. Finding a way to truly grasp the realities of life within a (very) small, rural, yet needful non-profit organization is key to embracing the beauty that exists within the mission.  This info is part of our prospective volunteer info packet – with some slight additional perspective tossed in. (Some of these are borrowed/adapted from *somewhere*, but I cannot recall where!)

So often we hear of ‘good practices’ of businesses and organizations, but the reality is that many of those practices don’t apply in very small organizations – we get quite adept at adapting!

Small Non-Profit Insights . . .

  • … daily organizational changes. (Okay, mostly we mean weekly, but it’s more helpful and less frustrating to think in terms of daily!)
  • … efforts often follow the flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants action plan. Metaphor: No one feels like they’re flying the plane; rather, they feel more like they’re building it mid-air.  (Both exhilarating and challenging!)
  • … there’s always a need for more help, but human & funding resources are often slim, e.g., three or four key participants are doing the work of seven. (Yes, I find myself scrubbing toilets, buying light-bulbs and paper towels, writing blog posts, meeting with people in need of hope, and preparing board meeting agendas!)
  • … human needs always trump other needs, i.e., when someone comes to the door, if I’m preparing for a speaking gig, or looking at the budget, and no one else is available, my choice will always be to meet with someone in need of care. Same is true for everyone.
  • … teamwork is essential; grace & mercy are tightly woven into our imperfect community. Let’s face it, we all blow it, we’re imperfect human beings and so is Choices. We do what we can to the best of our ability at the time.
  • … questions are always welcome, answers may be helpful, though sometimes not available. (Hence the need of ongoing mercy and grace!)
Want to know our biggest frustration? Having to be closed because we have no one available to receive guests/friends. It’s a terrible ‘business’ practice, (people must be able to depend upon us), but we also recognize that people in our serving community become ill, have appointments, go on vacation, etc.  So grace is always extended. But, we’re aware that you may come by to drop a check or other donation, have a question, and discover the closed sign. Our apologies…and an invitation to join us to keep those days rare occurrences.

Leaving you today with a bumper sticker I spied in Newport, Oregon this week: “Get involved: the world is run by those who show up.”  So many of us have thoughts about the way things should be – here’s an opportunity to rock your world.

Thanks for hanging out with us. Let us know if you have any thoughts to contribute or questions that need answers.

Choices Community: Serving Within

[The following is the first excerpt from our ‘Choices Community: Serving Within 2010’ info packet – we’ll be posting excerpts over the next few weeks, so remember to check back. Frankly, we’re in need of others willing to hang out with us one afternoon a week. If we gather enough interest, we’d love to resume morning hours as well. How about a cup of coffee?]

Greetings! We would be delighted if you would consider serving with Choices. Serving in our community mission can be a beautiful and meaningful way to demonstrate care and concern for those in need of compassion, kindness and shelter from sexuality, pregnancy and/or parenting related difficulties.]

Our hope is that each person discovers that serving is mutually beneficial. As we encounter human need in our community, we have the opportunity to sit with, listen to, and respond lovingly to those experiencing challenges, and are seeking someone to trust and journey with them. Being present to people assists in the most basic needs we all have: to love and be loved. Words from a poem by Carlo Carretto remind us:

You say you are sad?
Love — and joy will come.
You say you are alone?
Love — and you will break out of your solitude.

At Choices, we place a high value on relationships, as that is where personal transformation toward healthy life decisions, consideration of matters of faith, and good outcomes for the fabric of our community are best made possible.

Our volunteer process is primarily designed to determine whether each of us feels this is a good fit. We’ll have a friendly conversation that will help you to understand our “personality”, and you are invited to ask questions, and express your thoughts.

Our desire is that each person who interacts with Choices experience an (emotionally) safe time with us that preserves their respect and dignity, thus we are continually refining our environment and approach to enable good experiences for our volunteer staff and clients/friends.

One more thought – we’ve heard that there are those who think if they’ve experienced abortion or other life challenges this disqualifies them from serving with us – we’re here to say that we will embrace you, just as we embrace anyone who comes seeking help, hope and healing. Many of us have been there.

A last minute ‘find’ from a friend’s Facebook update speaks directly to my heart for this mission God has given us at Choices:

‎“We always have the energy we need when love calls. When life asks you to serve in a way that will bring healing, the little ego must step aside. The windfall of Spirit will enable you to do whatever is necessary to serve God’s plan. We always have infinite energy and resources to magnify the voice of love.
Breathe through me today. …Give me the energy to do what will truly serve. ” ~Alan Cohen

Delighted you stopped by to visit. Bless you.

Paying it Forward in Community (Part 2)

So many beautiful reflections of how we can manifest the heart of God for others. How we can infuse meaning from the vast array of scripture and commentary that informs how then we should live?  Ones that reside in the forefront of my mind are Micah 6:8, …to act justly, to love mercy…; and the Shema, the Jewish creed for spiritual formation, which includes the edict to love God and to love others. (An excellent read on this topic is Scot McKnight’s The Jesus Creed.)

Acceptance, and holding a posture of relational openness is yet another avenue of hope moving mountains.  Having a model of belonging before believing, (as opposed to an inbuilt requirement of believing before belonging), invites people into a safe space to ponder and explore our faith.  In other words, demonstrating not telling.

Community, embraces a sense of belonging akin to a family.  There is shared emotional connection, belonging, fulfillment of needs, and opportunity to influence.  Aha! Definite aha moment.

Opportunity to Influence – could we look at that as a ‘pay it forward’, removing the us vs. them model, where some of us are more qualified to love, and provide care and compassion?  And that’s where it gets messy – for some. Let’s start with some humor.

Here’s a version of an old joke that most of you will recall: A man is sitting on his porch as flood waters rise. A woman floats by in a boat, asking if the man needs help. “No, thank you,” says the man, “I’m trusting in the Lord.” The waters rise higher, sending the man upstairs. A raft full of people floats by his second story window. “Get in,” they say, “there’s plenty of room.” “No thanks,” says the man, “I’m trusting in the Lord.” The flood waters keep rising, pushing the man up to the roof. A helicopter swoops in, lowering its ladder for the man. “Thanks anyway,” shouts the man, “I’m trusting in the Lord.” Finally, the man is swept away in the torrent and drowns. At the gates of Heaven, the man asks God, “Why didn’t you save me?” “What do you mean?” replies God, “I sent two boats and a helicopter.”

Here’s where I need you to consider, contemplate, and perhaps even trepidatiously walk through some new ways of thinking. I include this bit of humor as a against a backdrop of ongoing need of volunteers to meet with people in need of care.  And, I’ve wondered how hypocritical we’ve been in seeking to accept those who can jump through those hoops well.  What do we seek in those who desire to be a part of our compassionate community?

  • Authentic care and compassion
  • Emotionally safe
  • self-identify as Christian

Who did Jesus allow in? This is a question we wrestle with as we are confronted with questions such as, “You have been helping me through such a hard time – I want to help others.  Can I volunteer like you?”  Gulp. This challenges our former models of hoops-one-must-jump-through to volunteer with us – and likely brings up questions in your mind, which we are happy to engage.

Who did Jesus pick as disciples? Upstanding, have-it-all-together guys?  Enough said.

Enough faith? How do we decide who has enough faith to love another human being?  Really dicey now.  The former models of accepting volunteers had us checking references with ‘approved churches and pastors’, thus implying that if someone attends an approved church they are likely a great candidate – which has not been the case in some instances.  And yet, we have those who identify with, and give assent to our Statement of Faith (Nicene Creed), but their only connection to a faith community is Choices.  Since we hold that people are generally loved into God’s story as opposed to being controlled into God’s story, we recognize the (spiritual) significance and immense value of people ‘simply’ hanging out with us.

As we hold a faith that is organized around a lifetime journey toward Jesus – rather than (only) a one-time event – we find ourselves in a position of acknowledging a presence of faith that is sufficient for caring for another, being a reflection of the merciful heart of God.

And this is where we find ourselves. Desiring to be sure there is no one left alone who needs the care of another human being, and using the human resources that God has given us to do so.

“And how amazing is his love so unfailing…” are lyrics of a song we sing in church.  This love is made real – felt – when we are Christ to others in need of hope beyond their circumstances.  May those we encounter know and experience the care and compassion of Jesus by our reflecting such community – and may we be welcoming to all, respectful of the diversity of tapestry that represents our faith.

Paying it Forward in Community (Part 1)

Marble Target

Most of us have heard of the ‘pay it forward’ concept thanks to the 2000 movie. Hold that thought, and blend it with a centered-set perspective, i.e., Jesus at the center, with people on a journey – a pilgrimage –  toward him at various points, and you have a Celtic model of ministry.  Huh?

A Celtic model of ministry says, “Please, join us.  Sit with us, talk with us, dine with us. Let us get to know you, and you us.” It is an inviting model of hospitality (invite into vs allow into) where human stories meet compassion, hope and promise now, and for the future. It is found in those who’ve experienced a redemptive God; it is hoped for in those who desire ongoing transformation.  (Which, presumptively speaking, is all of us, correct?)

This is the focus we continually contemplate in desiring to meet needs, hoping that people move a little closer to understanding the heart of God for their lives.  As it happens, we are seeing more people (who’ve been helped) with a desire to return the favor.

Indeed. Jesus teaches us that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. What?  And how does this inform our faith?  For Choices, we receive those we encounter as holding a smidgen, i.e., mustard seed of faith.  When pressed, most people self-identify as Christians, or at least of ‘believing in God/Jesus’.  So, we seek to enlarge understandings, by living into what is do-able: loving one another as he has loved us.  What does this look like – especially as we consider who is ‘eligible’ to serve as advocates in our community?  Is a mustard seed valuable?  (Ummmm….yes.)

Presence is a high-value commodity in our often too-busy world. We can easily forget to be fully present to, i.e., truly listening with our full attention to even those in our families – those we love the dearest.  When people come to see us at Choices, we’re giving them our full attention behind closed doors – a safe and compassionate place to air their stories, and for advocates to provide helpful feedback.  In being ‘merely’ present, we provide a gift not often part of our current culture.

Houses of hospitality. Dorothy Day ( and Peter Maurin) had houses of compassion she referred to as houses of hospitality. “They began these houses in the simplest way possible: renting a place, buying bread and butter, making coffee, preparing soup, and inviting the poor to eat.  Whenever possible they provided the homeless with a place to sleep; and most important, they sat with the poor, talking with them, offering friendship and affection.” (Richard Foster, Streams of Living Water, pp.163-164)

This past week I had a conversation with one of our advocates, who met with a young woman/mom who came in to talk about the crushing pain in her life.  Initially she had wanted to visit county behavioral health, but was told there would be a six week minimum wait for an appointment.  (We understand their dilemma – the county caseload is tremendous.) Someone referred her to Choices. When she was leaving she said with a hug, “Thank you so much for being here – I couldn’t wait six weeks.  When I come here, I know you care, you love me when you listen.”

Which is partly the point of these thoughts. Need is ever-present; volunteers are not. Or, are they? Maybe we’ve been going about this all wrong? Maybe we’ve set the bar a little high and made the task of loving others too complex.  Maybe we need to acknowledge people who are early in their journey?  Do we really want to make a decision whether someone is worthy enough to love another person?  We’re working to figure this out so that the helped can become the helpers.

A Manifesto of Hope

Last week a Facebook message to Choices asked, “Hey, I grew up and graduated from Mt. Shasta – what is Choices all about?” Good question.  People are sometimes confused, and we get that.   Given the polarizing nature of  the words choice and life, communication can be a little ambiguous – albeit intentional. When we changed our name in 2006 to reflect a more culturally-connective posture, it really hit the fan. For example, “So, let me get this, you guys changed your mind and switched teams?”  Uh, no.

But I digress.  The point here is to communicate the what of Choices focus – I’d like to use the following excerpt (primarily because I’m a giddy excerpt-a-holic) quoting depression-era Dorothy Day:

For those who are huddling in shelters trying to escape the rain,

For those who are walking the streets in the all but futile search for work,

For those who think that there is no hope for the future, no recognition of their plight . . .

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My family has had a tough go of it this past few years – we’ve experienced significant economic setbacks and losses that left us thinking what do we do now – how will we make it?  Still, we always had a good meal and a cozy bed to crawl into at the end of the day – and probably more notable, we always had each other, the support of extended family, and the care of our extended faith community.  Relationships = hope.

Relational poverty is probably the strongest indicator toward hopelessness. Lack of relationships keep people from feeling – and knowing – hope. Choices is all about extending relationship for the purpose of infusing hope into lives – what could be more life-affirming than acknowledging the worthiness of life by being present to people in need of relationship?

Last night I watched the season premiere of Private Practice after a very harrowing season-ending cliffhanger last spring. (Yes, apparently I’m confessing one of my vices!) Dell, an overwhelmed dad who has just taken custody of his young daughter is talking with his friend and co-worker, Cooper:  “I am a 25-year-old single father! How am I am going to do this right without screwing her up?”  Cooper flatly tells him, “You just do it. You love her and you ask for help.”  I wanted to jump up and yell, ” YES!  Did you hear that people?”

Being fond of the it takes a village quote, I love the village aspect of Choices.  (And no, I’m not referring to governmental oversight, but to the otherlyness potential of our communities.)  Villagers, in days gone by, helped protect each other from wolves and other invaders. (Great time to consider a question: who/what are the wolves and invaders of today?) Parents need help from the larger community – the village – to nurture, protect and provide for their children, whether they are infant or teen.  People who share a common vision come together, forming small communities to provide a gap-filling bridge that helps support parents and families – in a word: Choices.  Relationships = life-saving resources.

Being a community of compassion and providing a relational umbrella to those who are in need of shelter, whether it be emotional, physical, practical or spiritual helps our friends realize hope. Encompassed in that is a desire that people discover connectedness to the God who loves them so passionately – and an awareness that this love is reflected in those of our Choices community and beyond.

And, if the above still leaves you with questions, there’s always the default mission statement:

Choices exists as a compassionate community providing resources and support to those with pregnancy, parenting or sexuality related concerns.

“Choices exists as a compassionate community providing resources and support to those with pregnancy, parenting or sexuality related concerns.”

Questions?  We’re happy to dialogue!

Sexuality Conversations

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I’m reading – desperately reading – I might add, Forbidden Fruit: Sex & Religion in the Lives of American Teenagers by Mark D. Regnerus.  I’m looking for thoughts on reshaping an old, outdated, outmoded and basically unhelpful – and many would say harmful – model of sexuality guidance for those who come to Choices.  We need a fresh approach to a critical issue that is threatening the lives and futures of teens (and young adults), both inside and outside the church walls. That said, my thoughts here focus more on youth who typically find themselves in a church on Sunday mornings.

Consider this some-will-find-shocking excerpt from World Magazine, August 11, 2007 issue: “Evangelical teenagers are just as sexually active as their non-Christian friends.  In fact, there is evidence that Christian teens may be more sexually immoral than non-Christians. Statistically, Evangelical teens tend to have sex first at a younger age, 16.3, compared with liberal Protestants, who tend to lose their virginity at 16.7.  [Okay, perhaps we’re splitting hairs here!] And young Evangelicals are far more likely to have three or more sexual partners, (13.7 percent), than non-Evangelicals, (8.9 percent).  [Whoa – really?] What about abstinence pledges?  Those work for awhile – delaying sex, on an average of about eighteen months, with 88% of pledgers eventually giving up their vow to remain virgins until marriage.”

Here’s a regular scenario where a 15 year-old girl from a local youth group comes in for a pregnancy test, and the conversation might go something like this:

“So, you probably didn’t plan on needing to come here for a pregnancy test right?”, asks the client advocate.  “No,” she says hesitantly.  Client advocate: “Were you  using birth control?”  Girl:  “No – I didn’t plan to have sex.”

Clearly, it’s not working – whatever “it” is, is having limited impact upon our teens, and hopes and futures are being compromised: physically, socially, spiritually, and emotionally. Whatever has been packaged and approved of as within (someone’s interpretation of) appropriate bounds is not effective.

At Choices, we have struggled with addressing sexuality concerns among the young single adult population of those we serve – this topic is fraught with explosive opinions – the ‘party line’ has never felt sufficient for the scope of the issue. So, while we have provided some info within the time-honored-yet-inadequate (and even and especially harmful) abstinence mantra mandates, we knew there was more we should be doing – but what?  Our experience has been that after a negative pregnancy test, the teen/young adult is outa there fast.  There’s a reason:  the message isn’t compelling, it’s not desired, and ultimately largely ignored. Sure, we’ve attempted to get on board with the latest strategies to come out of the Conservative think-tanks through the years, but after spending too much time trying to wrangle the constraints into a conduit of hope, we’ve seen too little impact.  The all-too-familiar mantra of don’t have sex because God says so is a weak proposition. Newsflash:  If the message isn’t received and internalized, it’s not helpful, and does not make a difference in the lives of youth. Hence the dilemma.  We need a better way of being –  a better way of responding – because the outcomes are still the concern: lives and futures are at-risk.

It certainly seems like the Big Stupid, as some might say: we need to give youth the tools to navigate the sexual landscape more responsibly.  The question is what that might look like – what do you think?  I would love to hear from others who have found customary approaches lacking, and are willing to dialogue – I’m definitely not looking to debate.  How can we begin to shift this discussion toward a more helpful and hopeful model with integrity?  And, can we live with some concessions for the good of those we serve?

food choices

There is some refreshing data Mark shares in his book:

  • Social capital.  “Better youth outcomes are found where there are higher densities of social relationships among youth, parents, and other interested adults…”
  • Embeddedness.  “…Embeddedness in religious communities that care about [youth] enhance the power of the religious messages they receive and may well shape their sexual choices…including their sexual options and opportunities by their participation in alternative, desexualized social networks…”  The level of embeddedness is directly correlated to the internalization of belief systems to which teens are exposed. So, more involvement will more likely bring some better sexual choices.

And a reality that should be noted:

  • FYI: Regular church attendance does not = adherence to values represented by said church.

I’m hopeful that we can create some fresh perspectives that will maintain respect, reality, and renewed focus on a topic that is long overdue. My kids are worth it – and so are yours, and those of our communities – because not only do youth and families pay the price, but also those very same communities.

Otherlyness Reproduced

Baby clothes racksOn a recent day at the Choices office I had the opportunity to hang out with a few friends, (otherwise known as clients). Names here of course are pseudonyms, but one of them was Heather, who was shopping in our on-site store, using the Baby Bucks she’d earned while hanging out with her friend, (otherwise known as a client advocate), sharing her story, and learning about her soon-coming adventure as a parent. Now, with baby boy Samuel, she frequently comes in, shares conversation, learns about a parenting concept, and shops for diapers, clothes, and other misc baby needs.

While I held Samuel, I watched her grab cute pink outfits from the racks. Hmmm. So, I asked her, “Heather, who are the girlie clothes for?” Her response caused me to need to blink my eyes in an attempt to hold back the tears that really wanted to burst forth, “I have this neighbor. She’s eighteen, and she has this baby girl, and no one to help her, no family, no friends, and she needs baby clothes – I always see her baby running around in just a diaper. I’ve told her about Choices, but she’s scared and shy. I thought if I brought her some things, I could help her understand how much you all care, and will help her like you’ve helped me.”

Voila. I realized that just as Heather felt cared for and loved, she wanted her neighbor to know this reality as well – and she was willing to sacrifice her own Baby Bucks, (incentive as part of parenting conversations) by being incredibly generous, to demonstrate her own version of otherlyness. (Side note: Heather, having escaped a dire living situation, spent part of her pregnancy homeless, camping outside in the middle of a snowy winter. She understands what it is to suffer and do without. Yet, she still desires to share generously.)

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” came to my mind. Okay, maybe not the best quote, but so true. When we provide welcome and hospitality, love without agenda, and engage people in ways to meet their needs, they respond in like manner: otherlyness reproduced! Is that at least a part of what we are called to do as people who refer to themselves as followers of Jesus?

In reading The Forgotten Ways Handbook (Hirsch), I came across these thoughts to consider for those who refer to themselves as ‘followers of Jesus’; even the term ‘Christian’ is interpreted as ‘Little Christ’. As we go about our lives, we must consider that “He was known as a friend of outcasts and sinners, and spent lots of time with those not of the faith”. (p.46) So today, these questions are on my mind: “Who did Jesus spend time with? Who do we spend time with? And, whom did Jesus eat with? Whom do we eat with? Whom do we invite to our table?” (p.46)

When our volunteers choose to be present at Choices, and to those they meet with, they are being Jesus. When they order pizza and salad and eat with friends/clients, they are being Jesus. To be Christian IS to reflect Christlikeness.

These stories about how we can be otherly by merely hanging out at an office once a week (typical client advocate shift is four hours), meeting with people like Heather, providing pizza for lunch, chocolate for the many bowls, a small birthday gift, throwing a baby shower, or simple conversation and reassurance, remind me how simple it is to make differences that actually matter. (Relationships = hope!)

Relationships happen.

Relationships happen.

I’m thinking that’s what is meant by “love one another as I have loved you”. And, BTW, none of these who serve with us would consider themselves heroes, saints, or even great persons – just ordinary people doing ordinary (yet extravagant!) things as an outflow of calling themselves followers of Jesus. Beautifiul, don’t you think?

Compassion in the Midst of Choices

Craig Spinks of http://www.recycleyourfaith.com has created a video titled Choices, (coincidentally only, no linkage to Choices Mt. Shasta).

In this video, Christa is a woman who chose to love and support her friend’s decision for an abortion following a very challenging diagnosis. The feedback on the video includes some obvious discordant thought on how Christa might have responded – but what seems to be missing is the reality that she never endorsed abortion, though she courageously made the decision to love her friend even – especially –  in the midst of an abortion decision.

My sense, and something that has been taking shape within my heart for some time,  is that the collective we – including the ambivalent middle and wherever else someone might tack their pin on the life-issues spectrum – need to have a conversation to find common ground around the topic of abortion, specifically, to address the ways in which we can reduce numbers, within a compassionate framework.  What does compassion look like?  This includes ongoing definition around these elements:

  • Providing real support, both practical and relational for pregnant mothers. Loving beyond our comfort level, risking, being generous with time and resources.
  • Increasing sexual education with a primary emphasis on abstinence, that teaches the “sacredness of sexuality to our children”, yet does not include shame-based tactics.
  • Increasing awareness of adoption, including intentional education to eliminate shame and bring dignity to the adoption process, and including the courage of women who choose to place their little ones with another for parenting.
  • Strengthening families with parenting insights and skills, relational support, and sexuality preparation for conversations with their young adults.

When we choose to dwell in the land  of dissonance  (lack of agreement; mingling of discordant sounds), we invite tension, often uncomfortable, that challenges our presuppositions about life issues.  It’s messy. There are differing ways of thinking about how one should respond to abortion in our culture.  At Choices, we hear plenty of opinions – such as those who feel the only valid ministry is pressuring women to accept the four spiritual laws.  But, rather than compromising our value of engaging people where they are, we’re extending the love of Christ embodied in our compassionate responses, and we continue to define and refine what it is we hope to accomplish – to use Francis Shaeffer’s words, to continually determine ‘how should we then live’. It’s not easy.

While  one can personally hold the position that abortion is the taking of human life, what seems to be  at issue here – and where the dissonance grows a wide and treacherous crevasse – is how to appropriately respond to an individual who is seeking or choosing abortion as an option.

It is easier to understand the need for change when we are face to face with human need – when you sit with someone in deep pain, and attempt to provide a place of comfort and peace – it is then you begin to recognize that the system is broken. It is then that you understand that telling someone what to do, manipulating emotions, shaming, or scaring someone isn’t love, isn’t helpful, isn’t respect and ultimately, and perhaps most importantly, isn’t Christlike.  If our only game plan is imposing our own belief system on someone who doesn’t live in that system, how can we expect to reach them?  In fact, my personal belief is that it is essentially counterproductive.  It could be construed that the Apostle Paul makes this exact point (1 Cor 5:10, 12).

Others serving Christ have been accused of compromising their standards. Todd Hunter gives us something to consider when wrestling with considerations of living in a postmodern culture:  “We are anchored in the Rock – but geared to the times,” (which, BTW, was the main guiding philosophy of Billy Graham), and “Postmoderns haven’t disregarded Truth – they are reinterpreting for the culture,” (which is exactly what Billy Graham did and got into trouble with his overseers and funders for doing so in the 40’s).   To dismiss postmodernism as mere relativism is to miss what is going on in the culture, and even more, to miss what God is doing in the culture.  Women and families are waiting for the love and compassion of Christ.

If we don’t get closer to getting this right, women will continue, out of desperation – not desire,  to choose abortion in the face of economic, relational and spiritual conflict, and lives will suffer and be lost due to unkind, dismissive, and disrespectful rhetoric and agendas.  People ‘on the ground’ at Choices are meeting with real people who need more than that.  My heart soared in the video when Christa told her friend, “We’ll continue walking through it together.”  We can’t make decisions for others, but we can choose to suffer with them in the midst of their challenges.